I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
