If i come over, it means nothing
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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