Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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