I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
