I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
