Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
