you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
