Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Randomize
