farters have to be the big spoon...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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