i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
