just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
