i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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