Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
