He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
