Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
