i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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