Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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