i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
