If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
