Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
