Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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