why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
