Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
