I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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