Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
