barbara walters just said penis...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
