Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
