I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
