Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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