i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
