My hand turned me down
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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