The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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