If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
