wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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