Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
