You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You're like the curious george of whores
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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