I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i out mim tonsoeep
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