So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
