gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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