Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
