Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
