smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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