I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
