I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
