So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
