He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
