***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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