My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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