I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
