I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
