as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
