Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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