You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
