I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
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We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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