i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think I won the penis lottery.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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