dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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