you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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