Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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