the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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