idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
