Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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