You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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