I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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