His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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