im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
