smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
