I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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