She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
