how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
