i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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