The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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