somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
