the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
