I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
