i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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