we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
