my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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