i don't like sucking hair
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
