11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid