HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad