she told me i tasted like america
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.