Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  you have got to be kidding?

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  (440): why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex. (1-440): you have got to be kidding? http://tfl.nu/stk6
  Replies (52) Good night (730) Bad night (4530)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark

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  (206): I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark http://tfl.nu/8yek
  Replies (50) Good night (3739) Bad night (1152)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better

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  (513): Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better http://tfl.nu/bqq0
  Replies (7) Good night (841) Bad night (4460)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me

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  (253): waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me http://tfl.nu/vccm
  Replies (11) Good night (6165) Bad night (1367)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.

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  (412): She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing. http://tfl.nu/dwve
  Replies (6) Good night (2324) Bad night (1630)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I think mounting someone proves who's house this is

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  (602): I think mounting someone proves who's house this is http://tfl.nu/3n41
  Replies (5) Good night (1658) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.

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  (847): And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice. http://tfl.nu/ait7
  Replies (11) Good night (814) Bad night (1161)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.

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  (972): I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls. http://tfl.nu/wzfh
  Replies (9) Good night (2971) Bad night (835)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying

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  (715): Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying http://tfl.nu/dqm7
  Replies (6) Good night (603) Bad night (1284)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week

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  (636): A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week http://tfl.nu/594f
  Replies (1) Good night (904) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.

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  (609): I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning. http://tfl.nu/5pl9
  Replies (5) Good night (1305) Bad night (481)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.

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  (202): To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned. http://tfl.nu/z20l
  Replies (20) Good night (770) Bad night (2352)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.

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  (918): My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo. http://tfl.nu/6dok
  Replies (3) Good night (965) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does

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  (412): Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does http://tfl.nu/1hcm
  Replies (5) Good night (697) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.

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  (918): I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time. http://tfl.nu/atlw
  Replies (1) Good night (764) Bad night (321)

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